Staying at home is hard.
Being a stay at home mom has been a dream come true for me and I owe it to Brian. Not only did he support my want to stay home, he also had the same desire. We talked about it well before we were even married and it was something that was both very important to us. That's part of the reason I knew he was mine.
Over the last four years I go through phases (pretty sure phase is the mantra for life with kids, everything is a phase). You know the ones, one day you are like, "Oh man I am an awesome Mom, my child is the bomb and I love staying home!" and then there are days like this, "What the wha!? This child has serious hearing problems and is possessed, I wanna go to work!!!!!"
Obviously on the rough days I vent to Brian about wanting to go to work so that I can have something for myself and get a break from what is clearly HIS child...because my child is not bipolar and screaming, throwing fits because her shoe won't go on.
Lately, even on the good days, I find myself dreaming about something for me. Something I can do where I'm challenging my Mommy brain...and not challenging it to find even more patience or searching for yet another answer to the 324 questions that are all pretty much the same question just re-worded.
Aside from not knowing what I want to do, the toughest part for me is thinking of not being there with my kids everyday.
I talked with Brian about it last night, just kind of spewing my random thoughts all over and he was great. Super supportive in whatever I decide (he always has been) and best of all he kept saying how he understood my desire to want something for myself. After all that he looked at me and said, "I think it is so wonderful for you to be home with the girls, they need you."
I do get the victories of watching Bria learn to write and listen to her articulate words and big imagination. I get to watch Reese purposely pick fights with her sister because she knows it will get attention, watch as she listens and understands what I tell her, and feel her cuddle up on me. Those are the promotions I get right now. And those are pretty cool.
So basically what I'm saying is that I will continue to stay home, but I will also continue to pursue my passion...and try to find out what that passion is. Maybe I'll go back and get my Masters, who knows. I'm grateful for the option and flexibility to choose. Ideas and thoughts are always welcome, hopefully I'm not alone in this jumble of a post :)
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| Sisterly love |
4 comments:
I totally understand where you're coming from. Everyone has those days.
Sara
Hear, hear! That first part about wanting to be a mom from the time you were young reminded me of "College Chicks". :) Seriously though, I have the same struggles. You are the most amazing mom though!
Again, here we are being one in the same!! I was at this exact same point a little over a year ago. Getting my Masters is exactly what I decided to do. It has been SO good for me. I also threw myself into being a gym rat. It has obviously been good for me physically, but more so emotionally. That is where I get the best "me" time. I have amazing gym friends who are so supportive and have become important people in my life. These two things have helped me shape my identity and have something that is mine! This also means that Kendall is in daycare a few hours a week but she LOVES it! So it has worked out beautifully! You'll figure it out and when you do, you'll know and it will feel right.
I totally have written (and not published) an almost identical post. Except mine complained about medical school a lot. Seriously, love your conclusion and it really is true - they need you. I've decided when the twins go to preschool, I'm going to grad school. I'll do professional track that takes longer, but makes it so I can be with the kids when they are done with school. I'll pursue a career that facilitates that goal. Good luck finding something! Brian is such a good guy!
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